Something about me

I was born in Azpeitia, Gipuzkoa, in 1952, in a poor farm without electricity, running water or local roads, surrounded by mountains with a glimpse of the far away sea, and now completely rebuilt and transformed.

I grew up in that remote, yet so recent, world. I always felt one with the earth, the rocks, the trees and the birds, especially the birds, and in everything I felt the trace of the Mystery. In that I have not changed.

At the age of 10, my child’s soul and my adult dreams led me to the Franciscan Seminary of Arantzazu. At 15, I entered the Novitiate in Zarautz. Then, at 16, without knowing much about what I was doing (but who knows…), I took the vows of poverty, obedience and celibacy. It was another world. At 15, I entered the Novitiate in Zarautz. Then, at 16, without knowing much about what I was doing (but who knows…), I took the vows of poverty, obedience and celibacy. It was another world.

At 18, when I was studying philosophy, I began to have many doubts about my faith, and I was not free from that anguish until I knew that there can be no faith without doubts. Much later I learned that doubts do not affect faith, but rather beliefs, unless doubts turn into discouragement. Much later I learned that doubts do not affect faith, but rather beliefs, unless doubts turn into discouragement.

In Paris I obtained my doctorate in theology, and I devoted myself to teaching it wholeheartedly until, in the year of grace 2010, my theology teaching license was withdrawn for not teaching the approved doctrine. And I had to leave the theology classroom, the Franciscan Order and the clerical priesthood. And for all this I bless Life, the Ruah that inspires it, the Light that ignites it. And I had to leave the theology classroom, the Franciscan Order and the clerical priesthood. And for all this I bless Life, the Ruah that inspires it, the Light that ignites it.
Then Life was revealed or given to me in Itziar’s eyes, in her light and in her shadows, which are also mine. And we want to walk together, sharing shadows and thresholds of light. And we want to walk together, sharing shadows and thresholds of light.

If you ask me whether I believe in God, I will answer that it depends on what we understand by believing and by God. If believing means accepting a given affirmation as certain, I do not believe in the existence of a “God” who is the Supreme Entity -Something as opposed to something, Someone as opposed to someone- or in any dogma in its literal meaning. But if to believe means, as the etymology of its Latin term, credere, suggests “to give up the heart”, and if we call God the infinite Background of all that exists, the eternal and inexhaustible Source of reality, the good and creative Presence that sustains and moves all beings, in that case my heart and reason tell me: “Believe in God”.

I want to believe in God, to become one with my deep Being, the undivided Heart of all, the universal Flame and Compassion, of which all beings are like sparks, and which I look at and love, above all, in Jesus of Nazareth, beatitude made flesh.

To believe is to create or engender God in this suffering world, and to recreate the world by kindling a spark of light in the depths of its shadows. That is what I do humbly want, just like you. That is what I do humbly want, just like you.