Empathy

The word empathy emerged in the 20th century to express the capacity to understand the feelings of others from right inside oneself. It is derived from the Greek empatheia, although, strictly speaking, this word means passion, affliction (en: inside; pathos: feeling, suffering). The Greek word to denote empathy was sympatheia (“to suffer with” the other person), which was translated into Latin as compassio.

Let us keep the following in mind: empathy, like sympathy and compassion (stripped of any paternalistic connotations), evokes the capacity to understand and turn the “feeling” or “passion” (pathos) of the other person (en-, sym-, com-) into one’s own, so that his/her feelings in general (including deep joy), and suffering in particular, are not alien to me, but rather so that I can understand them right from inside myself, indeed, from inside him/her.

If I can go deep inside myself, I can go deep inside the other person, and thereby am able to empathise, sympathise, take pity. And, at the same time, I will not be able to be myself, my true deep self, freed from my masks, illusory projections and selfish interests, unless I exercise my neighbourliness every day by putting myself in the other person’s shoes, and asking myself: What’s hurting him/her? What balm does he/she need to heal his/her wound? I am the moment I become neighbour.

All spiritual traditions, religious or secular, have taught this deep empathy as the “Golden Rule” of our self-realisation and the way we look at and treat others. In the Jewish tradition, two rabbis from opposing schools, contemporaries of Jesus, are famous: Shammai and Hillel, the former strict, the latter liberal. The Talmud tells how a pagan approached Shammai and said to him: “I will convert if you manage to teach me the whole Torah in the time that I can stand on one foot. Shammai angrily threw him out. The pagan approached Hillel with the same proposal and Hillel replied: “Do not do to your neighbour what you would not want done to you. This is the whole Torah, the rest is just commentary”. The pagan became converted.

He could equally well have converted to Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism or Islam, or to the teachings of Pythagoras and Aristotle and so many others who taught the same thing. Also, of course, to the way of Jesus, who expressed it in the affirmative: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 7:12 ESV).

If someone has done you great harm, it is normal for your ego to get angry and demand revenge or at least the right to bear a grudge. But revenge and rancour will not heal your wound. Take your time, but go deeper into yourself, go deeper into the one who has hurt you, and you will find a person who has been hurt by someone or something. No one does harm out of wickedness, but because he/she is suffering shortcomings, mistakes or harm. And look calmly into his/her background, and try to take steps to put yourself in his/her shoes and ask yourself: “What would I need if I were that person, if I were in his/her shoes?”

Perhaps your gaze and your attitude towards them will gradually change until you stop harming them, or until you do not wish them any punishment, or until you trust them and wish them well or even do well by them. Then you will have forgiven them, even if you can never forget the issue or be their friend. When you forgive, your wound will have been healed, and you will have helped to heal the one who wounded you as well.

You will be like the Good Samaritan. You will realise your “divine”, compassionate self to heal yourself and save all the wounded.

(Published in VARIOS, Respira tu ser. Meditaciones. Espiritualidad para la vida, Ediciones Feadulta.com, Illescas, Toledo 2021, pp. 81-82)

(Translated by Sarah J. Turtle)